I have been silent for most of the past year or so of adventuring with the party. Whether it be because of mistrust, lack of interest for goings on, or what have you, I feel with what seems to be the coming end of this great task bestowed upon this lowly group of mismatched personalities, paths diverted and intersected into one grand route laid before us by the Gods themselves, it is time to reflect upon my feelings, possibly the first “real” feelings I have felt in a very, very long time. Detached from reality and normalcy as a child, I never knew what it was like to have friends, or even a family. I never had a way in life that was ever comfortable. I convinced myself that to make it through life, I had to thieve, lie, and fight my way out of situations, ultimately looking out for myself, believing I and I alone was the only one to care about me.
Now however……..was I wrong? Could I have been wrong? Did I need to do those things to now feel this way? Did I need to act that way to truly see?
I have traveled a long way with these “companions” and have been through many trials and tribulations, all for a purpose that only mere months ago, I did not truly believe in. In life, I had always gone the way of opportunity, even at the cost of others. If there was a chance for profit, food, any possible way to come out on top of a situation, I took it with the idea that I had to keep going, moving, putting myself first and foremost.
Honestly, I am starting to see that there is more at stake here. I have others to worry about, people that have gone out of their way to help me, people I have gone out of my way to help.
Most of all, people who care about other people. People they have never met. People they never will meet. People that will more than likely never thank them for their service, or even know that they have committed such a service, overcame such a task, such a force.
Why? Why do they do this? Why do I feel like I need to do this?
Ivan, though stubborn and seemingly distrustful of me, is always putting himself on the front line, crying out in service to the Mighty Torag, bringing Justice to those who oppose him.
Wjotek, silent but strong, carefully surveying all that is going on, then quickly adapting his strategy to provide the team much needed support.
Ugg, one of the dumbest but kind-hearted creatures I have ever met. Never once thinking of himself, even though his Orc-wired brain should do nothing but think of himself, and also where his next battle/meal will be.
A.C. Slayer, strange but proud, always looking to help out. Always where the action is.
Ttef, the closest thing I have ever felt towards a brother. Lately, he seems to always be by my side, even when it is not such a great place to be.
….I care for these people. I feel like they are my family now, and I am afraid of letting them down.
Recently, Slayer, Ttef and I were taken prisoner and forced to tell the truth of our intentions and I was driven to reveal my plans to side with who appeared to be on top, so that I, once again, could remain on top. My services would ulimately lie with Marganis if he appeared to be my way out. I felt regret for my plan when the words left my lips, in front of these people that I initially swore no real allegiance to. I am not sure if they told the rest of the group and I hope this did not damage my reputation and trustworthiness with the party.
These strangers at one time now are what I call my family, my brothers. Shamed for the way I felt, the way I intended on conducting my business with them, I feel the need to redeem myself. With the Order of the Sere Leaf dispatched, Marganis must be stopped and if these brave souls are the only ones who will stand against what may very well be the end of everything as we know it, then I, Cyril will proudly fight at the side of my family. My allegiance is no longer for sale.