Ire of the Gods

January 15, 2012

After returning to the surface, Ivan Thunderbeard and Ttef Abob gathered their allies and headed back into the lair of the Sere Leaf druidic order. Recalling how much fun it was to dangle above the floor in a net, Ivan let the rogue take point this time. I think his name is Cyril, or some such nonsense. He might be an Elf, the way he climbs on walls and whatnot. I don’t trust him. Anyway, he skillfully disabled the trap we knew would be at the entrance to the Greenhouse, as I’m now calling it. Who puts a jungle underground?! It’s not right. Tunnels should be worked stone and traps positioned five feet off the ground! I digress… As we walked into the Greenhouse, we were confronted by a Troll with a very high opinion of himself. Ivan just grinned a wicked grin and proceeded, with the help of his friends of course, to pound said beastie into a bloody pulp. The corpse, what was left of it, was set ablaze. We all gathered round the fire and roasted marshmallows.

What happened next can never be repeated where other adventurers might hear it. We would lose all credibility in the eyes of our peers. Cyril(?) failed to detect the trap leading out of the Greenhouse. He stumbled into the trigger, and the group was assaulted by thousands of tiny centipedes. We swung at them, stomped on them, and some of us screamed like little girls, but there were too many of them to fight. Some of us tried dragging the flaming troll remains into the swarm, but they just scurried away from the fire. Eventually they were dispersed by large quantities of water dumped on them by Ivan and a torch wielding rogue. I still don’t trust him.

After our shameful display of combat prowess against the swarms of vermin, we proceeded to a large room full of Orcs and Werewolves. Ttef wanted to try and bluff them. Ug wanted to open a diplomatic dialogue! Ivan couldn’t believe what he was hearing!! Diplomacy with Orcs?! Holding to the tried and true Dwarven philosophy that the only good Orc is a dead one, Ivan forced the issue with a Wall of Stone spell strategically placed to stop any of his soon to be dead enemies from escaping the room. Our group held a defensive position in the hallway until the Orcs got tired of charging to their deaths, at which point we took the fight to our remaining foes. As Wjotek charged down the hallway, Ivan shook his head at the absurdity of a 15 foot tall scythe wielding gorilla. Refusing to be outdone however, Ivan grew to nearly 10 feet tall himself as he called the Righteous Might of Torag into himself. Together the two over-sized allies spearheaded into the room, thus opening a path for the rest of their friends to join the fun of the slaughter.

When the battle was done, Cyril and Ug climbed through a hole in the Wall of Stone and proceeded down the hallway. They found several members of the Sere Leaf in a cavern. I don’t know all that was said, but Cyril came back and reported that the druids plan on releasing the “Destroyer of Worlds” and wiping all civilization off the face of Golarion. I don’t know about anyone else, but Ivan would rather crack all their skulls open with his hammer before that happens. Just sayin…

- Ivan Thunderbeard

Comments

Roasting marshmallows over a troll carcass HAS TO BE a no no from the FDA. Good story—2000xp!

January 15, 2012
UncleMart

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